You know
when you see in movies, in drama movies, regularly, that breakdown point where
the protagonist realizes that everything is not worthy... and they said the exact
quote “is.. just pointless”, everything is pointless. And then they recover and
find people who cares about them, who loves them, and find something that they like in a way in which they will build their lives from it, and then they imagine a life… doing
something good and with passion, finding someone, having children having a
family... and growing old together. They see it. They see a future, a image,
when they just look to their left or right and they are at their porch reading a book
in an old wood chair and look to their side and see someone… there, with them…
someone who actually wanted to spend their lives with you, someone who cares,
someone who is there.
You find
yourself thinking in all this crap just because... but then everybody tells you
that you are just sad, that is your hormones, or something like that, that
“depression” is an invention, and that you can just cure yourself. Yeah because is
goddamn easy. That your reasons to be this way are nonsenses, because there's
people who have it worse than you do. Do you have a bed? A meal? A family? A
partner? Something you enjoy? Yeah? Well, see, you just being dramatic.
Dramatic. You are dramatic.
It's fucking
cliché say that is no like that, that the feeling is overwhelming... that it
makes you lost but with a escape. You think you are being childish but you can't help it. You think you could use some help... professional or something, but
that just prove the point. You move on, you will this, you will that and blah
blah blah you want to cry, but there's no reason. Your life is good, no the best
one, but good. It had bad times and good ones, like everybody, but for you is not enough, not enough living that way.
Studying, working, and die. Is selfish and whatever but, you are the only
person that you actually know, you are the only thing that will feel this way and
realize it. You are you whole world. You deserve better. You think, off course,
suicide. Maybe because is the only way out… bc you know that your life is not
going to be other way, so end it could work, and will do.
You know when in the
bible, and I don’t want to offend anyone, but in the bible says that suicide is
a sin and you are going to hell if you committed? Well it says so because is a
book about community, and love to the other persons, so if you kill yourself, your
position in that community would be empty and then everything will be fucked up. So they
call you selfish and other stuff. But they are afraid too. They wanna do it. They think and think of reasons, stupid reasons by the way, of not doing it. They are so focus on "living" that is almost too funny their efforts, but to be honest, all that crap is just sad. Deal with it, life is pointless.
