92

It's one of those nights. Can't help to think "what if-s" and "should I-s". I don't say it often because I know every life experienced has their own hardships but, man, my life was so shitty and difficult and painful to me. For the longest time I thought that I wasn't going to live past my twenties, not because I thought life wasn't worth living or I was edgy, no, it was legitimately because I knew pain was going to burn me out completely, it was matter of time. I didn't plan ahead. My goals and dreams were short term and not substantial. But now we are on the other side. Fucking bright here outside of the tunnel to be honest. It's overwhelming sometimes, peace is. I'm wing it and it's working, but sometimes, on those nights, it creeps in. On these nights, it says "you didn't have nothing and you endured so you got everything now but soon... soon you will lose it again". And I kinda want more now so I think I shouldn't be greedy, keep it low. But fuck it, I'm having my cake and I'm gonna eat it.